I want to stick my p in your. b.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
