Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
