What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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