our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
