I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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