There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
