Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
