Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
