Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
