one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
