he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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