Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
