i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
