You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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