butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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