The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize