I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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