I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
