I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
