STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
