I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize