Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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