i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's the barista slut.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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