Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
