They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
