you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i drank out of a bidet.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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