Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
