you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
