will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Send help, water and tortillas.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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