grandma shit on top of the toilet
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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