is your mom at the bar?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
