I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
