dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
