Can i not drive my cunt home
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
