I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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