Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
