I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
