Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's shark week go big or go home
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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