YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
