I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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