I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
