I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
