as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
