i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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