I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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