How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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