and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize