hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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