Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
