I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
