I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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