I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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