I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
