Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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