I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize