i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
