You work out of a Hotel?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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