Where is the hickey?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
