if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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