They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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