You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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